Theology is something Grace exceled at. The study of the nature of God, just came natural to her. Bible was her favorite class in school and she just understood it. She passed me up a long time ago when it came to memorizing scripture, she was able to identify false religions in small conversations she encountered, and wrong doctrine was just that, wrong. She just knew. I know part of it was her school and the time and effort her teachers put into her. I know that part of it was us, and our extended family, pouring scripture into her whenever we had the opportunity, but some of it was just Grace’s tender heart for Jesus and for others.
As we began going through her room in the days following the accident, we started to find notebooks filled with prayers, letters, poems and words she felt God was speaking to her. I think we all have been a little overwhelmed by just who she really was. It made it that much harder dealing with her loss, in some ways.
I am going to be completely honest, I can’t handle this. A loss of this magnitude is not something anyone should have to handle and yet, almost of a daily basis, I hear the phrase, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”
I’ve known a great amount of people that have been “given” more than they can handle. A marriage that feels cold and lonely, a child who refuses to get their lives on track, a diagnosis that leaves little hope, an alcoholic father, or a mother that has lost the ability to nurture. All things outside of what we can handle.
This well-meaning saying has no scripture to give it validity. Without digging too deep into what the Bible actually says, just know two things….God, most likely, was not the one that gave you the item to which you are struggling with, and you can’t handle it, but He can.
Paul, arguably the greatest missionary of all time, talks about struggles, items to which he felt under qualified to deal with, areas in his life that he pleaded with God to remove, but he resigned himself to the storm by a quick look at his reality. A reality that becomes our same reality if we have a relationship with Jesus. Paul says, “I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong, because of Christ’s power that rests on me.”
We need to learn that we can’t handle all that this life throws at us. If there were a shipwreck, and you were in the water, when the rescue boat came pulling up, would you yell “I can handle this, thanks though?” Of course not, you would receive the help, because without it, you would drown.
Let God rescue you through Jesus. He desires to carry your burdens, He desires to unload your backpack of doubt, fear, worry and pain. He loves you.
Almost daily now, I am up at 5:00 AM. I don’t know why, but it gives me time to pray, read and write. It gives me time to cry and sometimes tell God how unfair this all is. It gives me time to say to my heavenly Father “I can’t handle today, I can’t be the wife and mother I need to be. I am in a million broken pieces and I feel unfixable. BUT YOU, O LORD. You can handle today, because You have gone before me. You can help me be who I need to be today, because Your mercies are new every morning, and You, my Savior, can take this broken heart, bind up the many shattered pieces, and make it whole again.”
I can’t handle this, but God, You can.